Actions speak louder than words!

It is easy for our different forms of communication, words, tone, and non verbal communication to not match up.

 There is a saying that says, “Actions speak louder than words.”  How very true this is! When we talk about the kinds of communication that we as human beings use, it is reported that 15% of our communication is words, 35% is tone and 51% is through non-verbal.  A majority of our communication is through non-verbal actions.  It is no wonder that we can easily get confused or have misunderstandings through texting.  Not only can you not hear the other persons tone but also, you cannot see their non-verbal actions when you are reading texts.

Sarcasm is another way where miscommunication can come into play.  When one is sarcastic, one usually changes the tone in the voice.  If you don’t know the person very well, whom is being sarcastic, you may think they are being rude and it is very easy to get offended.  One must be very careful when being sarcastic.  There may be truth in every sarcastic remark.  It may be fun and games sometimes but you need to pay attention to when you are using sarcasm, who your audience is and if it clear that you are using sarcasm.

It may be hard for others to understand people who are speech impaired or mute.  They are lacking in the, words, area of communication but you also can’t hear their intended tone, or it may be hard to hear it.  If we have friends, peers, or acquaintances that are speech impaired, we should go the extra mile and do our best to learn to understand and communicate with them.  This may mean learning sign language.

                If we are not speech impaired, we should try all we can to try and match up all our areas of communication and be sure that they complement each other rather than contradict each other. These forms of communication I am talking about are our, words, tone and non-verbal communication like mentioned earlier.  It can be very confusing when someone’s non-verbal communication says one thing but their words and tone says something else.  This can become very frustrating and may appear that they are not being truthful (whether they are or not).  If the areas of your communication don’t always match up, focus on the area that needs improving and constantly work to improve it. 

Thanks for reading my blog!! :) Feel free to comment! :)

Coping With Crises

A crisis can strengthen or bind a family together but only if one knows how to cope or handle the crisis correctly. 

In order for one to properly cope or become stronger from a crisis one must believe in one self.  I crisis can attack your self esteem.  If you believe in yourself when I crisis arises it will help you be able to handle it and after the crisis your self-esteem may even strengthen because you were put through a hard time and made it through.

A crisis may result in self-absorption.   When you are self-absorbed it is hard to think of others outside of yourself.  When you are self-absorbed it is hard to think or help others who may be in need.  One thing you can do to help yourself not be self-absorbed, is to grief with others who may be experiencing the same thing as you.  Make the extra effort to balance both others and yourself.

When you are in a crisis it is easy to see what is in front of you.  It is easy to focus on the here and now.  This kind of thinking can get you in trouble.  One thing that is really helpful in crisis is to reframe or to look at the situation in a different perspective. 

Although crisis seems like a terrible word, it can bind families together!!!

Marital intimacy and avoiding infidility

This week in class we have been discussing marital intimacy and infidelity.  Sexual intimacy is very important within the marriage. Sexual intimacy is a very sacred thing; this is why it should be kept within the bonds of marriage.  Sexual intimacy within the bonds of marriage is very sacred but not necessarily secret, it is just sacred.  We should treat sacred things with great respect and not talk about them lightly!  Sacred things are to stay and be talked about in certain settings.

Infidelity is another topic that has been discussed this week in class.  Poor marital intimacy is one reason that can lead to infidelity but it isn’t the only reason and it does not always lead to infidelity.  If a spouse develops a simple friendship with a member of the opposite sex, if they are not careful it can lead to something more.  We learned this week that when you are married, the only time you really should be talking to a friend of the opposite sex is for school or for work.  If a spouse confides in a friend in an opposite sex, and their feelings are validated and listened to, I know it may sound crazy but there is a big risk of them falling in love with the friend because they validated their feelings. Even Facebook can be dangerous. Avoid having any private conversations with a member of the opposite sex even through Facebook.  Sometimes couples feel more comfortable to conjoin their Facebooks when they are married and each one can clearly see the other spouse’s activity.  

One thing we read about for our reading for class was about stage coaches. I believe it is by President Lee. There were people applying for the job of being a stage coach driver. One drove on the very edge trying to impress the employer.  Another stage coach driver drove as far away from the edge as he could.  The one who got the job was the one that stayed far away from the edge. The one who got the job was the one that stayed the farthest away from the edge.  He was the safest.  We should live our lives like this.  We should not try to see how close to the edge as we can but instead, star as far away as we can from the edge and find the safest way. 

What are some ways to stay away from the edge, stay away from infidelity and keep our marital intimacy strong?  We must communicate with our spouse.  Communication is very important in a marriage. We need to have a family council at least once a week and talk about important things that could be worked on.  We must set our boundaries with others outside of our spouse and talk to each other what the boundaries should be and make an agreement.  Marriage and marital intimacy is an amazing thing! It does however take time, effort, teamwork and a lot of communication

Mawaige is what bwings us togeva today.

This week's topic was marriage and weddings! Woot woot.   This week I am just going to write some points  that are not necessarily connected but I really thought were interesting. I learned  all of these in class this week! Here they are:

• Three things you need to get to know each other when dating and figuring out if you found the right one.

1. Time 2. Togetherness 3. Talk

These things are also known as the "Know Quo" .  When I say togetherness my teacher mentioned engage in a variety of activities.  Do not limit yourselves to movies all of the time.  Find other ways to get to know each other such as do service together or do outdoor activities! You get to know the other person's character so well through service.

• Research shows that you don't begin to know someone til at least the first three months.  This was really interesting to me! One thing that I really enjoy is that you find out something new about a friend or a significant other everyday!
• You need to know someone more than you trust them.  We should not rely on anyone anymore than we trust them.  You should not commit to someone anymore than you rely on them.  Your touch level should not be any higher than your commitment.- R.A.M. model (Relationship Attachment model by John Vanep
• If you are getting marred in the temple focus more on your sealing  than on your reception. In any case whether you get married in the temple or not,  believe the focus should be emphasized on the marriage more than the wedding!

These are just some of the many great  things I have learned this week!! Marriage is a wonderful thing if you put all your time and effort into making it strong and filled with joy!!!

More about the opposite gender.... Dating vs. Hanging Out

This week we talked about hanging out vs. dating.  It's becoming more and more prominent for young adults and teenagers to hang out more than to date.  In one of the, in-class discussions we had this week, it was mentioned that it is possible that the main reason that students here at BYU-Idaho hang out instead of date is commitment.  A majority of girls at BYU-I don't want to start dating pre-missionary boys because they are going on a  mission soon and won't be back for two years. Some girls are afraid to date boys right after they get off their missions because they "are now looking for a wife".  Some of the girls aren't ready for that big of  commitment.

In an article I read for class it encourages going on dates to get to know others,  not necessarily to "find the one".  I believe that if you do this you will find what type of guy or girl you are looking for and "find the one" when you are ready. It says in the article, if the girls let the guys know they are not interested in a serious relationship right away dating is less intimidating!

What is the difference between hanging out and dating you may ask?  My teacher told us that the three p's to   dating are 1. paired off, 2. planned and 3. paid for. If those three p's are not involved it is probably hanging out.  These three p's of dating match up to the three p's of a husbands role to 1.protect, 2. preside, 3. provide.  Paring off matches up with protect, planned matches up to preside, and paid for matches up with provide.  The women's part in all of this is to nurture.  The woman can help ensure or nurture these roles the men have. When these roles of pairing off, planned and paid for in dating are fulfilled and the woman plays her role in nurturing, it can actually help prepare you for marriage.  Who knew?

If you want to get to know the opposite gender better (on individual basis ;) ) and or are looking for a marriage partner, I believe  that dating is the ultimate choice instead of hanging out!!